The Give And Give

“Uhm hello didn’t you notice that you got the saying wrong? It’s supposed to be give and take, not give and give.” 

No, I didn’t get it wrong this time, but I did when I first started working with those experiencing homelessness. I believed and expected there to be an equal balance between what I gave, and what I would receive back. This was the way the majority of relationships with the people in my life went. What I quickly learned was that the scales are already way off balance when I begin interacting with someone who is experiencing homelessness. The scales are so far off that I have tried to eliminate my use of the word “take” all together when it comes to engaging those experiencing homelessness. I try not to use the word “take” in any sense because so much has already been taken from them. When I utter the word “take” I am in some way taking away yet another decision that person did not have the option to accept, deny, or even participate in. 

Much has already been taken. Their inalienable rights, things that are stated to be granted to all of us, are being infringed upon every day. Our Declaration of Independence declares we have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Many of my clients are simply surviving, rather than having a sense of living a life. Injustice and oppression is present over a sense of liberty. A sense of hopelessness exists, rather than a sense of being able to pursue happiness. We need to be sure we are not taking anything more if we are truly coming to these individuals with a desire to help them. 

It really bothers me to see those that are looking to help this vulnerable population taking and posting pictures of individuals on social media. And I know some would say: “Well we never do that without first asking to be sure the person is ok with it.” There are other ways to get your message across then having to exploit someone in this way who is already exploited daily. I feel like if I were in that individual's situation, and I believed that you were going to be entering into my life to assist me in some way then I am not going to jeopardize that opportunity of getting some help by telling you, “No, I would not like my picture taken.” Also, why do you need a picture of this person, who usually in the lowest season of their life? Would you want your picture taken during that season in your life and have it plastered across to anyone who has eyes to see? These pictures are not going to benefit that person as much as you think. Those pictures a lot of times only produce more shame, more pity, more judgement, and the picture taker is only taking the picture out of a place of taking not giving. This is especially true when you broadcast the individual’s name and where you located them. 

When I was in the youth group of the church I attended growing up we used to try and do things to help those experiencing homelessness during the winter months. A few times we all loaded up in the church vans and headed out to some of the camps around the city where those experiencing homelessness lived. After encountering them there we would give them some blankets and hygiene products, and then leave. There was never any warning that we would be coming by. None of these individuals knew us before hand, and we would never see them again. On the surface this can be seen as a great thing to do. If we take a closer look though it can be seen that we were entering those interactions from a place of taking instead of truly giving. 

This was not revealed to me until about two years ago through an encounter with one client that I will never forget. One day I was conducting outreach in one of the camps here in Chattanooga. A client was present at the camp, and they agreed to speak to us. He was cordial with us being at their camp at first, but towards the end he began to express to us the frustration that he had experienced when other groups of people had come by their camp. He then began to explain the same exact scenario that I used to participate in and help facilitate through my church’s youth group. He then told us that he was a dad to children who lived in the area, and that there could have been a chance that they might have been in the very youth group that came to their camp. He stated that he felt so embarrassed and ashamed at just the thought of that possibility. There was also frustration expressed that it felt like it was almost like the group was visiting a zoo and that they were the animals being viewed in their “natural habitat”. Coming to take more than to give. 

Time and time again this happens. A group is formed that is going to go and help the homeless population in this city, and they start with proclaiming that they are wanting to give to the community, and they dive in all the way without taking the time to consult with anyone who is already doing work with this population. What ends up happening is they duplicate services that are already being provided. For example providing food, water, hygiene products right outside the doors of agencies that are providing the same exact resources. I see this daily. These groups do this for a while, they take their pictures, they take the news interviews, they take what they think people need, until they have fulfilled what they were hoping to fulfill within themselves from the start and then they stop. And many times the stopping point is brought about when the true needs of those experiencing homelessness get expressed. The helping groups then are either unable to meet those needs because they have depleted all of their resources and exhausted their support systems on things that were not needed, or they are still trying to solve the issue of homelessness on their own without engaging in helpful partnerships with those who have been working with this population for longer than they have. The end result ends up revolving around, “Hey look at this nice thing we did.”

I was in training this week about implementing trauma informed care with those that we are trying to help. The main focus of the training was understanding that the traumas that a person experiences during their lifetime can have lifelong effects. These effects can damage a person's ability to cope with and manage the challenges that lie ahead of them. It is our job as the helping professionals to recognize these effects, and allow this recognition to inform us on how to best assist that client without creating more trauma. We began talking about the importance of allowing a client to choose what they want to do and what they do not want to do. Empowerment is fostered through being involved in the choices that you make. Where having the choices made for you can be damaging. Giving the client a choice instead of taking the choice away. Not doing things for clients, but doing things with clients. When I was first starting out I used to get so frustrated with clients when they would not follow through with a plan we had established. It took me a long time to realize that just because we established a plan that didn’t automatically mean that was the most important thing to accomplish in the client’s mind. When I would allow myself to become frustrated I was allowing myself to think more in a mindset of taking rather than giving. I was fighting a desire to take control of what I thought was best for the client. Instead of giving the client grace in choosing the option to not follow through with the plan. When I was in the position of being a case manager I made it clear to clients that I was assisting the client manage and not control what they felt they needed. This should be reflected in consciously being aware of the words that we speak to those in need, and also in reasoning for why we are wanting to assist our neighbors in need in the first place. 

I know that I am sounding very bitter in this post, but this is a subject that I have been thinking about for a long time now. These feelings stem from mistakes that I have made myself, and from the ones that I have seen others make over and over again. Each time these mistakes are made they foster more mistrust in the hearts of the people they were hoping to gain the trust of. I feel like I need to put these feelings into words because I believe we as a community have the capacity to truly make a huge difference in the lives of one of our most vulnerable populations. I am not trying to dissuade people from helping those that are in need. You should do something. I just have a desire for us to think through what is driving us to want to help. Take time to figure out what is already being done for those experiencing homelessness in your community. I can tell you that in Downtown Chattanooga if a person plans it out accordingly they could eat close to 9 meals a day. Don’t hesitate to ask questions of the agencies that are already doing the work. Ask what is it that they need, and also ask people experiencing homelessness what it is that they need? In order to help a community we have to work together as one. The youth group at the church I grew up in now supplies the clients I see on outreach with goodie bags full of items that the clients have requested for Christmas, and they place a thoughtful note in each of the bags. I deliver each bag with the message that there is a church that is thinking of them during the holidays, and that they wanted them to have something special for Christmas. Also, remember that having a positive connection with another human being has immeasurable value to people who have not experienced that in a long time or sometimes ever. Give, give, give, and when you get tired of giving try giving some more. Don’t give blindly, but give intentionally. If you do this consistently, you will realize that you won’t have a need to take anything but so much more will be given to you. 

If you have questions that are provoked by this post please feel free to reach out to me on 

my work cell: 423-315-6808

 my work email: jbrackett@hamiltonTN.gov